Living with your kids (and grandkids?)

Multigenerational housing is a growing trend in the United States and perhaps something you're considering. On the plus side, there's increased time for bonding and for caring for elders or children as needed, as well as improved finances from sharing expenses. And there is peace of mind knowing you are surrounded by family.
 
But there are disadvantages. Less privacy. More noise. Dissimilar routines. And more people generally leads to more housework (although that may be shared). Most multigenerational households also involve living with an in-law, not always an easy relationship. So, lots of change and likelihood of stress. And then there's the potential jealousy or concern of your other children, especially if finances seem to favor the child you are living with.
 
What seems to promote success?

• Enough physical room for privacy. A bedroom for each family member and adequate bathrooms. Optimal is a layout that permits each family group to entertain their own guests without bothering the others (e.g., a detached in-law unit or unit with a separate entrance, living room, and bedroom).
• Frequent multigenerational activities for family bonding.
• Clear agreements about group time and tasks. How many meals per week will be eaten together, for instance. Who does what (cooking, vacuuming, home maintenance …)? Routines that become habits seem to reduce conflict.
• Clear agreements about finances. How will you divide monthly bills? Who owns the property? Who pays for improvements? (Talk with all your children about how this will or won't affect their inheritance.)
• Clarifying expectations about caregiving. Whether it's childcare or eldercare, specify tasks involved, how many hours/week, paid/not paid. What about when things change?
• Clarifying how "permanent" this arrangement is. Under what circumstances might the situation be renegotiated? (If it puts a marriage at risk. If children do not adjust well. If health or care needs of the older adults change.) Like a prenup, how might a dissolution be pre-agreed upon for minimal disruption?
• Keeping communication open. Some households have regular family meetings to discuss and resolve issues. Others work with a counselor when tensions arise.

An Aging Life Care™ Manager can help you explore the options. You will definitely want agreements in writing. An estate-planning attorney can create the legal documents.
 
Looking for alternative living arrangements?
Call the experts in aging at 203-826-9206.