If you have more than one child, deciding how to distribute your assets among them may prompt some angst: If and how should your will or trust reflect your understanding of their different needs? According to a Merrill Lynch study, two-thirds of parents over age 55 are open to the idea of unequal bequests.

"Fair" does not necessarily mean "equal." If one child has invested considerable time caring for you during health challenges—perhaps giving up valuable income-earning years—should that be reflected in their inheritance? Again, two-thirds of parents think it should. (Not all children agree.) If one child is in a lucrative profession and the others are not so well paid, should you bequeath equally or according to need? Should a health-challenged child get more? What if some of your kids have children and others do not? Should the nonparents get less?

Money does not equal love. This is a self-evident truth. But as a culture, we tend to view money as a proxy for affection. Differing amounts can bring up old resentments. "Dad loved you best …" These feelings may even play out in a court battle. (Sigh)

There are myriad ways to divide the pie. Here are three common scenarios:

• Equal parts in the will, but gifts as needed before you go. What you give to your children in the normal course of life need not be up for family discussion. It's between you and each individual child.
• Acknowledge prior financial help given as a "draw down" on the inheritance. Some children may have needed more help (a down payment for a house, rehab for substance abuse, assistance due to the pandemic). Deducting your past financial support from that child's "fair share" may quell resentment from other siblings.
• Unequal bequests with a description of your reasoning. Leave a note with your will or trust that affirms your equal love and explains your logic.
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Talk with your kids ahead of time. It's advisable to discuss your plans with your children individually. (You could learn that the prosperous child prefers that more be given to a less financially stable sibling because it reduces the chance of their being tapped for aid later.) You might then review your plans with everyone in a family meeting. If these conversations seem daunting, let's talk. We can serve as an objective sounding board to help clarify your thoughts, prepare for the discussions, and perhaps even facilitate your family conversation.

Work with an estate planning attorney. There may be options you hadn't thought of and details you need to include. You will need an attorney to draw up the final documents.

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Mild cognitive impairment (MCI) is the medical name for memory problems that exceed the "normal forgetfulness of aging" but are less than associated with an Alzheimer's diagnosis. If you have received a diagnosis of MCI, you are at risk for continued significant cognitive decline. Each year about 10–15% of persons with MCI receive an Alzheimer's diagnosis, as compared to 1–3% of all older adults.

That said, many people with MCI do not experience further decline. And some people even improve--if their memory loss was caused by something fixable like a medication reaction or untreated depression. For all these reasons, it is important to have symptoms reassessed every 6–12 months to monitor changes.

There are things you can do. While there is no medical treatment as yet for MCI, some everyday activities can help prevent or slow its progression. The goal is to increase blood flow and oxygen to your brain, and keep your mind active.

• Manage your blood pressure. Keeping blood pressure within the normal range has a profound effect on delaying memory problems.
• Practice healthy habits. Get regular aerobic exercise, such as brisk walking. Aim for eight hours of sleep. Eat a diet low in processed foods and high in fruits and vegetables. Limit alcohol. Quit smoking. Manage other conditions (e.g., diabetes, depression).
• Wear your hearing aids. A loss in hearing means a loss of stimulation to the brain. Studies now connect this loss with a decline in brain function. (Plus, some things you are "forgetting" may in fact be from conversations you didn't fully hear.)
• Participate in social activities. Even if you don't talk much, the stimulation of spending time with others is beneficial.
• Learn a new skill. Make your brain exercise! Try something you've never done. Brush your teeth with the "opposite" hand. Or have some fun: Ping-pong? Drumming?
• Engage your mind with puzzles. This is brain calisthenics. Keep your neurons firing with activities that make you think.

Memory aids. Accept that you are forgetful and support yourself for success. Make ample use of to-do lists, big calendars, and notes or alarms on your phone. Leverage the power of routines. Put your keys and glasses, purse/wallet in the same place every time. Set yourself up for environmental cueing, consciously putting things where you will see them when needed, such as leaving your morning pills by the coffee maker.

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