The next time you renew your license, you may be required to take written and behind-the-wheel driving tests rather than mail a form. If this is the case, don't panic or go into denial! Take some steps to get prepared. That way, you'll go into the test knowledgeable and confident. And remember, preparing for a driving test isn't just about passing—it's about ensuring your safety and the safety of others. It's worth the time to plan thoughtfully.

Check the DMV website to understand any age-related requirements that may apply to you. You might note potential assessments related to vision or cognition, and limits on night driving. Give yourself time to address any challenges that crop up.

Check on your vision. Schedule an eye exam. If new glasses are needed, allow yourself a period of adjustment. If cataracts are an issue, surgery can greatly improve vision, but appointments can take weeks or months to secure. Get on the doctor's schedule now!

Study online for the written exam. Traffic laws evolve and are specific to city and state. You already know a lot, but details on the test can trip up even the most competent drivers. Online study courses cover essentials such as current speed limits within different zones, parking distances, and right-of-way rules. They'll help you brush up on computerized test taking, too.

Take a refresher course. AARP and AAA offer mature driver courses to update your skills and ensure you know how to use the newer vehicle technologies. Completing one may even earn you an insurance discount! For a more personalized approach, hire a professional driving instructor for a private coaching lesson.

Adapt to physical and mobility challenges. Do you have physical limitations, such as poor range of motion in your neck? Consider consulting an occupational therapist to identify useful strategies. You might learn how to adjust your driving habits or adapt your vehicle. Simple modifications, such as pedal extenders or steering wheel grips, can enhance comfort and control. Talk with your doctor if reaction time or mobility is a concern.

Beyond getting your license renewed now, likely there will come a time when you are no longer driving. While you may have family and friends to help, look now at the public transportation, rideshare services, and community programs that might serve you in the future.

Need help preparing for the changes of aging?
Give us a call at 203-826-9206.

Sleep apnea isn't just about snoring or getting up tired. It's about your brain waking you over and over again through the night to get you to breathe. Not only do you miss out on restorative sleep, but the multiple interruptions in breathing also put extra strain on your heart. That puts you at risk of high blood pressure, heart attack, or stroke. And the poor sleep may cause fatigue, fuzzy memory, poor concentration, and feelings of depression. Luckily, there are many options for treatment to effectively manage this condition.
 
There are three main types of sleep apnea. With all types, your body reflexively awakens you just enough to get you breathing again, but this disturbs your sleep cycle.

• Obstructive sleep apnea: The most common type. Throat muscles relax and block your airway, or you have excess airway tissue.
• Central sleep apnea: The brain doesn't send the right signals to the breathing muscles.
• Complex sleep apnea: A mix of obstructive and central symptoms.

 
Common risk factors. Being age sixty-plus. Carrying extra weight, which can narrow your airway. Being male, a smoker, drinking heavily, or having heart disease or nasal congestion increases your chances significantly. Also, use of opioids, tranquilizers, or sleeping pills.
 
Getting a diagnosis. If you think you might have sleep apnea, talk to your doctor about your symptoms. Your doctor may ask you to do a sleep study, either at a clinic or at home. These tests measure your breathing patterns and oxygen levels to confirm the diagnosis.
 
Questions to ask. If you are diagnosed with sleep apnea, get detailed information. Ask your doctor: What type of sleep apnea do I have? What types of treatment are possible? Which would suit me best? Is there a specialist who can help me through the next steps?
 
Top treatments

• CPAP machines: A face mask delivers steady air pressure to keep your airways open. May require trying several styles to find the best fit.
• Oral appliances: These adjust your jaw or tongue to prevent blockage.
• Lifestyle changes: Losing weight, quitting smoking, and/or sleeping on your side can help.
• Surgery: Used in rare cases to remove tissue or reposition the jaw.

If you find that you're avoiding using a suggested device, talk again with your doctor about options. Find something that works for you. Your life and quality of life depend on it!
 
Need help navigating the changes of aging?
Call the experts at 203-826-9206.
​

Do you dream about simplifying your life? Wish you could spend less time on to-dos and more time engaged in new interests? An independent living community might represent that dream come true. Consider these perks: home maintenance and landscaping cared for, meals prepared, and plentiful opportunities for socializing.

Why choose independent living?
Many people move to independent living to downsize from a now-too-large home, or to relocate to a quieter neighborhood and do less driving. Some people seek relief from decades of cooking and cleaning. Another big draw is having a built-in community and activities, from book clubs to seminars to fitness centers. Life is more predictable, too, with a contract that specifies your all-inclusive monthly outlay.

How to evaluate one community versus another
Perhaps you've narrowed the field to a few options in the same area. But which would be the best fit for you? Compare services side by side. Here's what to consider:

• Amenities. Make a must-have list of what suits your lifestyle. Do you need a pool? A library? A garden? Are overnight guests and children allowed? What technology is included? Is there a spiritual focus? What kinds of meals and meal plans are involved?
• Community. Visit during a social event to experience the atmosphere. Stay overnight to really test it out. Does it feel welcoming, or too quiet? Make multiple random visits, and ask to stay for lunch or dinner (marketing usually has a budget for a one-time meal). The residents are living your future! Ask what they like and what they wish they had known before moving in. Is there a residents' council and other avenues for residents' input?
• Staff. Pay attention to how the staff interacts with residents. Are they attentive, friendly, and professional? This makes a huge difference in your daily experience.
• Location. Would you be close to frequented spots, such as favorite stores or doctor's office? What about proximity to friends and family? Find out what transportation is provided.
• Finances. These are typically rental communities. Check what's included in monthly fees and the community's financial health. Learn the history of fee increases. Avoid surprises: Take home and study all the rules, fees, and contracts.
• Legal review. Ideally, have an elderlaw attorney look over your contract. Know your options for leaving if you wish to move for any future reason.

Need help planning your next move?
Call the experts in aging at 203-826-9206.

Taking care of your financial future means more than just meeting with an investment advisor. What if the unexpected happens­­? For example, you get into an accident: How will you make sure your bills are paid and your assets protected? That's where a "financial power of attorney" comes in.

A financial power of attorney is a legal document that you prepare to authorize someone to handle financial transactions on your behalf. This person is called your "agent" or "proxy," though sometimes they are also referred to as your "power of attorney."

As the principal, you decide what powers that person may have. Sometimes, the duties are limited to a particular transaction, such as closing a real estate deal. Most often, the document is written broadly, to allow your agent to pay your bills or manage your portfolio ongoingly. Make sure your document specifies the power of attorney as "durable." Otherwise, it may automatically end if you become cognitively or otherwise incapacitated.

How to choose a financial power of attorney
Legally, your agent must be of sound mind and over age eighteen years. From there, choosing is up to you. Here are some things to consider when deciding:

• Do you trust this person to act on your behalf? It should be someone who is willing and able to always put your interests first.
• Are they financially savvy? They do not have to be an expert, but ideally, it's someone who is comfortable with money and understands finances and investments.
• Can you count on this person to work well with others? They should be able to communicate effectively with financial institutions and coordinate with other decision makers, including those who are authorized to make choices about your healthcare.
• Is this person organized and available? You need to be able to count on them to keep up with your bills and investments if you are unable to do so.
• Is this person willing to serve in this role? Before appointing someone, talk with them. Make sure they understand the responsibilities and feel confident about them.

It's wise to name a backup person or two who can assume this role if your primary choice is not available. The individual(s) you name do not have to be family members. There are also professionals who can serve in this role. No matter what, consult with an estate-planning attorney at the beginning of your decision-making process to make sure you understand the options and cover all your bases.

Need help finding an estate-planning attorney? Consult the experts in aging well at 203-826-9206.

Making wise decisions is more than just being smart. It also comprises the qualities of flexibility, calm, selflessness, and social insight. Difficult to describe, but you know it when you see it.

And who doesn't want to be wiser? Wisdom allows us to solve complicated problems in a way that leads to gracious outcomes. It reduces stress and builds positive relationships and esteem.

Contrary to what many assume, wisdom doesn't come automatically with age, although circumstances of aging can lead you there.

Here are some tips to cultivate wisdom beyond the school of hard knocks:

• Embrace curiosity. Aristotle (wisely) commented that "the wise man knows he knows nothing." Practice "not-knowing." Become receptive to new ideas and maintain a commitment to lifelong learning. Engage problems with an open mind, ready to be creative and think outside the box. By brainstorming ideas from multiple viewpoints (without preconceived judgments about their suitability), you'll discover options you might not have otherwise considered.
• Practice self-reflection. The more you understand yourself and have an honest assessment of your strengths and weaknesses, the easier it will be to seek input that compensates for any blind spots. Take time to pause and check in with yourself regularly. Know your triggers and learn from your failures as well as your successes. Clarify your values so you can apply those ethics to the decisions before you.
• Develop emotional intelligence. Prioritize the ability to name, and moderate, your emotional responses. Decisions made in a hot moment are less likely to pan out well. Emotional intelligence also involves empathy and compassion for the feelings and circumstances of others. For this, read or spend time with people you admire for their wisdom. Also people who think differently or live differently than you do. Listen as they express their reasons and choices. Find your common humanity and common desires, hurts, etc.
• Seek a larger perspective. When we make wise decisions, we draw upon a variety of perspectives and often consider the needs of a group as well as the needs of a particular individual. Draw upon your spiritual beliefs to approach the problem from a more transcendent understanding beyond the pressures of daily life. Engaging in creative pursuits can also train your mind to think outside the box and recognize ways to apply insights from one area of life to issues in another. A wider scope of thinking can help you synthesize the practical with the ideal to arrive at nuanced solutions.

​
Do you value wisdom and experience?
We are the experts in aging well. Give us a call at 203-826-9206.

Multigenerational housing is a growing trend in the United States and perhaps something you're considering. On the plus side, there's increased time for bonding and for caring for elders or children as needed, as well as improved finances from sharing expenses. And there is peace of mind knowing you are surrounded by family.
 
But there are disadvantages. Less privacy. More noise. Dissimilar routines. And more people generally leads to more housework (although that may be shared). Most multigenerational households also involve living with an in-law, not always an easy relationship. So, lots of change and likelihood of stress. And then there's the potential jealousy or concern of your other children, especially if finances seem to favor the child you are living with.
 
What seems to promote success?

• Enough physical room for privacy. A bedroom for each family member and adequate bathrooms. Optimal is a layout that permits each family group to entertain their own guests without bothering the others (e.g., a detached in-law unit or unit with a separate entrance, living room, and bedroom).
• Frequent multigenerational activities for family bonding.
• Clear agreements about group time and tasks. How many meals per week will be eaten together, for instance. Who does what (cooking, vacuuming, home maintenance …)? Routines that become habits seem to reduce conflict.
• Clear agreements about finances. How will you divide monthly bills? Who owns the property? Who pays for improvements? (Talk with all your children about how this will or won't affect their inheritance.)
• Clarifying expectations about caregiving. Whether it's childcare or eldercare, specify tasks involved, how many hours/week, paid/not paid. What about when things change?
• Clarifying how "permanent" this arrangement is. Under what circumstances might the situation be renegotiated? (If it puts a marriage at risk. If children do not adjust well. If health or care needs of the older adults change.) Like a prenup, how might a dissolution be pre-agreed upon for minimal disruption?
• Keeping communication open. Some households have regular family meetings to discuss and resolve issues. Others work with a counselor when tensions arise.

An Aging Life Care™ Manager can help you explore the options. You will definitely want agreements in writing. An estate-planning attorney can create the legal documents.
 
Looking for alternative living arrangements?
Call the experts in aging at 203-826-9206.

People over age 65 exhibit a vast range of abilities both mental and physical. Unfortunately, ageism (the negative stereotyping of older adults) links advancing years with decline in a manner that disregards individual capability. From degrading birthday cards to discrimination in the workplace, 82% of older adults report experiencing ageism in their everyday life.

Most insidious is internalized ageism, when we look down on ourselves, often without realizing it. Blaming age when we can't remember a word ("a senior moment"). Feeling flattered when we're told "You don't look [your age]!" Not considering an interesting activity at the senior center because we "don't want to be around all those old people."

It turns out such negative age beliefs can significantly reduce life expectancy. Multiple studies across many years and many cultures have shown that people with negative beliefs about aging die as many as seven and a half years earlier than those with positive age beliefs. (The studies accounted for the influences of income, education, and health status.)

Those with negative age beliefs are less likely to engage in healthy behaviors. "If it's all downhill from here, why bother?" Those who are age positive are more proactive about retaining the health they have. People with internalized ageism test higher for C-reactive protein in the blood (a marker of chronic inflammation). Those with a history of age-positive attitudes have lower levels. Also, people with negative age beliefs don't seem to invest as much psychologically in living a gratifying life. Those who are age positive usually have a sense of purpose or meaning.

In other research, people briefly shown age-positive messages (e.g., depicting older adults as wise or accomplished) had improved scores in subsequent tests of memory, blood pressure, walking, and balance. Those exposed to negative concepts of aging (e.g., being senile, dependent) had worse memory recall and a heightened stress response afterwards.

What can be done to reduce internalized ageism? Other cultures celebrate people who have achieved advanced age. Despite decades of ageist messaging in the United States, we can turn things around within ourselves. Keep an ageism journal. Note each remark you hear that centers on someone's age. Was it positive or negative? If negative, was it based on ageism (a stereotype) or an individual's actual ability? Stay alert to your own ageist thinking. Reframe your self-talk to avoid stereotypes.

Identify five things that you enjoy about being older. Acknowledge them. Add more age positivity to your life and start reaping the benefits!

Want to work with age-positive professionals?
Give us a call at 203-826-9206.

Deciding how to divide assets among one's children is often challenging. The challenges only multiply in a step- or blended family situation. Today, about one-quarter of all marriages include stepchildren. Among remarried couples, almost two-thirds involve children from a previous relationship.

Blended families can look like any other family, but the dynamics are very different, emotionally and legally.

Traditionally, for a couple with children, when one spouse dies, all the assets of the couple go to the surviving spouse, presumably to help them with living costs and medical and supportive care in their elder years. Upon the death of that spouse, the remaining resources get divided among the children, per the original documents prepared by the couple.

In a blended family, there may be two sets of children, or more, and the surviving spouse may be relatively young. Age affects how long children from a first union might have to wait for their share of an inheritance. Tensions can arise if the stepparent remarries. Or if the stepchildren feel the stepparent is overspending assets or not maintaining the house. Plus, nothing in a previously written will can stop a surviving spouse from changing the terms later. Indeed, stepchildren can be written out in an update.

Options to consider

• A trust is one way to direct the flow of funds for years after you pass away. Hire a professional to prepare and to administer it. Having third-party administration helps eliminate potential conflict among siblings and families.
• Establish a life insurance policy. Name how much each child, as beneficiary, is to receive. Or, name the stepparent as beneficiary and specify the other assets to be immediately divided as you wish. With this arrangement, no ongoing contact or cooperation is required between the surviving spouse and the stepchildren.
• Give gifts while you are still alive. There are ways to provide for first-union children, or all children, before you pass away. Then leave the remainder to the surviving spouse.

These are complicated arrangements with significant tax implications. Be sure to consult with an estate-planning attorney who has experience dealing with step- and blended families.

A successful, harmonious transfer of wealth is most likely if you can meet face to face to talk with your heirs about the decisions you have made. You might do this one on one or with everyone together. Or have separate meetings with children from each union. If this does not appeal, consider writing a letter (to be read now or upon your passing) that explains your thoughts and asks for everyone's cooperation and understanding.

Are there tensions in your blended family? We can help.
Give us a call at 203-826-9206.

Are you reflecting on life and its lessons? With so many options for self-publishing, writing a memoir may appeal. The process generates a new perspective on the meaning of one's life. The end result lets future generations learn about you and their forebears. Find writing kits and courses online, such as Writers.com.

One thought to consider: Creating a chronological review can be unwieldy. It suggests you'll present things with accuracy. Besides, recounting dates, locations, and events is just not fun or inspirational! Plus, you may have concerns about offending someone in the way you tell your stories. That can leach the joy out of the project.

You may find it more meaningful to tell your story in terms of the lessons you have learned. This is sometimes called an "ethical will." You want to bequeath your wisdom to the next generation. In an ethical will, you tell the stories of how you came to hold the personal values you now cherish.

Using this format, think about major challenges or crossroads in your life. When you ran into trouble or things didn't transpire as expected, how did you resolve the situation? What did you learn? For instance, one chapter might be "How I learned the power of forgiveness." Another could be "The time I got fired, or how I learned to value myself." A third might be "When one door shuts, it allows another to open." There's self-discovery in this process. Sharing your transformations and challenges also reveals your humanity. It enables younger family members to understand that everyone can stumble. Sharing how you picked yourself up shines a light forward for them. Consider a kit from FeetToTheFireWriters.com (tagline: You provide the memories. We help you grow).

You can include apologies, acknowledging regret and describing what you might have done if you had had the maturity and insight you now possess. You can also express gratitude to specific others, like a thank-you note for what you received.

Creating an ethical will is a gift to your family as well as yourself. Noted psychologist Erik Erikson observed that identifying the meaning of one's life is the primary task of the elder. Reflecting on the past within the context of what you have learned can help you get a new perspective on the disparate threads that weave the integrated story of how you became who you are.

And don't feel limited to writing. These days you can create collage books, audiobooks, video memoirs, a PowerPoint. You can write a poem or compose a song. Explore the options!

As you reflect on the past, consider life plans for your future.
Contact the experts in aging well: 203-826-9206