We tend to think friendships should grow organically. They don't. Particularly in our later years, when we often lose friends—to death, illness, or moving away—we need to be much more intentional about making new ones.

This is especially so for "solo agers," those without children and grandchildren. The younger generations in the family typically make up a large portion of the average older adult's social network.

Making friends requires time and effort. Research has shown it takes fifty hours of contact to become casual friends. Bump that to ninety hours for a real friend, and 200 hours to cultivate a close friendship. Here are some tips to ease the process:

• Look for social activities with continuity. Meeting regularly helps rack up those contact hours with less effort. But more important, we feel more comfortable when activities and people are more familiar. The only way to get past anxiety is to go through it. Regular contact makes a new situation familiar faster.
• People in transition are the most open. Those who have recently moved to town or are going through a life change are typically extra receptive to making new friends.
• Assume people will like you. Research shows we vastly underestimate how much people like us. If you lean into the idea that you are likeable, you will actually behave in a warmer and friendlier manner. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
• To get a friend, be a friend. Notice if someone needs assistance, and then offer it. A ride to the airport. A meal after surgery. Helpfulness, support, and compassion rank high among qualities people look for in a friend.
• Small gestures matter. Consider sending a "thumbs up" text when you hear of an accomplishment. Or encouraging words before a challenging event. Even a touch-base "thinking of you" email when you haven't seen someone in a while can be surprisingly meaningful and can open new opportunities for connecting.
• Let people know you like them. While intellectual sparring and trading jokes can be fun, it helps if you can sprinkle in compliments now and then, too. Tell people what you admire about them. We tend to like those whom we feel like us.

While you are at it, it doesn't hurt to look for multigenerational opportunities. Establishing bonds with people in their middle age or younger can broaden one's perspective on life! And may help you feel more connected to the future. Having a younger friend may also come in handy should you need a physical favor, such as moving a chest of drawers.

Ready to interrupt your isolation? Give us a call at 203-826-9206.
We are experts in the process of aging well.

When Medicare first began in 1965, the idea was that it was for everyone over age 65, not just those who were poor. There would be no stigma.

Things are different now. We live longer. Medical costs are rising. In 2003, Congress decided that those with higher incomes should chip in extra to share the load. This extra is called the "income-related monthly adjustment amount" (IRMAA).

There are two areas of Medicare coverage that incur IRMAA fees:

• Part B. Medicare Part B covers nonhospital charges, such as doctor visits or lab work.
• Prescription drug coverage. This is Part D, or in a Medicare Advantage Plan it's sometimes called "Part C." You buy these policies from an insurance company, but the programs are also subsidized by Medicare.

If the Social Security Administration (SSA) determines your income qualifies, it will add a fee to your monthly premium for Medicare Part B and another for prescription drug coverage. These IRMAA fees are deducted from your Social Security payment each month.

What is "higher income"? The SSA looks at your adjusted gross income from two years ago (e.g., from 2022 for your 2024 rate). It adds back in a few tax deductions such as IRA contributions or Social Security payments. This usually higher amount becomes your "modified adjustable gross income" (MAGI). In 2024, IRMAA will likely apply if your 2022 MAGI was more than $102,500 for an individual or $205,000 for a married couple.

A caution about special circumstances: If you have a one-time bump in income (e.g., from the sale of your home or business), you may be assessed a one-year IRMAA fee.

Having trouble paying your IRMAA?

• Request a new initial IRMAA determination. If your MAGI was correct from two years ago but you have experienced a life-changing event, turn in Form SSA-44. Life-changing events include things, such as a spouse's death, a divorce, or a natural disaster that damaged income property. Reduction in work hours, retirement, or loss of a pension also qualify.
• Appeal SSA's decision. If you do not have a life-changing event, you can request a reconsideration if you believe your MAGI was inaccurately calculated by SSA. Or if you filed an adjustment to your tax return of two years ago that needs to be factored in. Contact the local Social Security office to learn more.

Have questions about Medicare?
Give us a call at 203-826-9206.

Seniors experience property crime thirteen times more often than violent crime.

Burglary is the most common. (Interestingly, it typically occurs between noon and 4:00 pm!)

The average loss is roughly $3,000, although that does not account for the emotional impact: A profound sense of violation and vulnerability.

October is Crime Prevention Month. There are things you can do!
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The yard. Eliminate dark spots with motion-sensor lights at all entryways, walkways, trash enclosures, storage sheds, and garage. Plant prickly plants (e.g., roses, cacti) under windows to make them less inviting. Trim back bushes that might provide a hiding place.

The mailbox. Reduce the number of hours checks are accessible in your box. Arrange for direct deposit (incoming) and paying online (outgoing). Or post checks in a public mailbox.

Personal habits. Lock all doors and windows, even during the day. Draw the blinds at night so burglars don't get tempting views of your laptop or flatscreen TV, nor intimate knowledge of who lives in your home. Once inside, thieves look for high-value, grab-and-go items, so keep car keys and jewelry out of sight. Make it look like you are home when you are away: Halt newspapers and mail. Install smart switches or timers on indoor lights. Ask a neighbor to park a car in your driveway.

Technology

• Smart door lock. Install a number pad or fingerprint reader. Look for a model that allows you to check and lock the house and garage remotely in case you forgot. (Don't underestimate the importance of locking the garage. Thieves target them!)
• Smart doorbell. A video camera will deter many a porch thief. If possible, get a version that enables you to converse by voice from your phone. Then you don't have to go to the door if you are home. And if you aren't home, no one will know. Consider adding a 24/7 monitoring service.
• Personal safety app. On your smartphone or as a wearable, it makes a loud noise (like a car alarm) to draw attention. And/or it can send a distress message to an emergency contact list or law enforcement.

Neighbors. Neighborhood Watch programs also deter thieves. Talk to local law enforcement about best options for your area.

Safety extends beyond health and wellness. We can help.
Give us a call at 203-826-9206.

There are many advantages to having a housemate: Defraying expenses. Sharing household chores. Help with transportation. Companionship. Increased safety. Peace of mind. In a survey of older adults who shared their homes, 50% said that since gaining a housemate, they are happier, sleep better, are getting out more, and they call upon their families less for help. Homesharing is a viable option for aging in place.

If this is a path you're exploring, here are some tips for success:

• Identify what's motivating you. Most people do it for monetary reasons or to get some help with simple chores or transportation. Companionship is another benefit. Be sure your expectations are realistic and are shared by the housemate you choose.
• Know yourself. Having people in what's been "your space" can bring up a lot of feelings. Think carefully about what might be inviolate in the shared rooms and what you can be flexible about.
• Consider a homeshare service. Many local governments realize the benefits. They help with the matching process and can provide background checks, sample agreements, even mediation if things aren't going well. Check out national matching services such as Silvernest.com and Nesterly.com.
• Be very candid during the interview process. Honesty is essential in talks before you seal a deal. Take the time, perhaps over several conversations, to share lifestyle habits and expectations. Everything from smoking, pets and hobbies, to overnight guests, refrigerator sharing, and sleep schedules. It's easier to identify incompatibility and look further to find a better fit than to undo an arrangement once the furniture has been moved in.
• Write an agreement. At a minimum, describe what private space is being offered (bedroom, bathroom) and what is or isn't shared in the common area (kitchen, yard, washing machine and dryer, hot tub or sauna…). Detail the rent, when it's due, and how it will be collected. Also spell out what bills are covered, due dates, and tasks that might be exchanged for rent. Be as specific and thorough as possible so your arrangement doesn't depend on two people remembering the same verbal agreement.
• Provide for a trial period. This allows for a relatively easy ending if it's not working out. Consider two weeks. If you aren't comfortable, it's worth the wait to find a good match. At the same time, be realistic. Even a great housemate will have quirks that you don't like. Be flexible when you can.

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Looking for alternatives so you can age in place?
Give us a call at 203-826-9206.

Once you've decided it's unwise to give or lend money to children—or grandchildren—think through how you want to communicate your decision.

Money is often equated with love. Even if this is a loving decision (e.g., you've determined that giving or lending them money is encouraging something unhealthy), how and when you decline is important for the future of your relationship.

Here are tips for navigating this sensitive discussion:

• Understand your reasons. Does lending them money make your own finances uncomfortably slim? Perhaps you feel their purchase wasn't well thought out. Or that they habitually live beyond their means and need to learn to become more solvent.
• Explain the impact on you. You don't have to give them a reason for your decision. But part of their maturation process is to learn to see you as they do other adults: Human, not all powerful, not all knowing, not all bountiful. (This may require an inner shift in you as well.) Expressing confidence in their maturity, share more about your own situation.
• Focus on savings. Let them know that protecting your savings reduces the chance you will need their financial help in your elder years. (According to an AARP study, the average daughter or son chips in $7200/year to help aging parents.)
• Don't lecture about their spending habits. True as your insights might be, such comments from a parent are likely to lead to defensiveness and a fight.
• Consider alternate ways to help. Ask if there are other ways you can pitch in. Brainstorm together on solutions. If they are looking for start-up capital, you could suggest they contact the Small Business Administration for help writing a business plan. If they are in debt or have a poor credit score, you might offer to pay for a credit counselor or daily money manager to help them develop a financial strategy.
• Reassure. Saying "no" to a particular request does not mean you would not chip in for a true emergency (e.g., sickness, inability to work). Explain that it's this request that is difficult. Ultimately, you want to express the support you feel you can give in a way that emphasizes your belief in their ability to stand on their own two feet.
  
  

If you find you have difficulty saying "no" even though you know you need to, consider talking with a therapist. While it can be hard to watch your child struggle, you will be doing both of you a favor if they develop a healthier relationship with money.

Concerned about your kids and money?
Let us help you plan for aging wisely. Call us at 203-826-9206.

Aging in place has great appeal and can be challenging and expensive. Elders who are part of a "Village" help each other with simple tasks, making it easier and more financially feasible to stay at home. Today, there are close to 250 Villages across the country. They are part of a widespread grassroots movement of like-minded elders focused on community building and elder empowerment. This is not just another social service.

The basic model is neighbors helping neighbors. Members of a Village help each other address chores such as transportation or shopping. Or even changing a light bulb or setting up a digital assistant device.

Sometimes there's a collective give and take. For example, a blind member might get help with grocery shopping and then give back to the Village by leading a support group for other visually impaired members. Reciprocity is not required. But it is consistent with a general theme that everyone has value, a way to contribute. The model builds self-esteem.

Some Villages develop an information and referral service, circulating lists of reliable, senior-friendly contractors. To tackle loneliness and isolation, some Villages host educational or social events.

Each Village is different, depending on the needs of its members and its structure. Most Villages are nonprofit organizations. They charge a yearly membership fee to help pay for a director (fees range from $25 to $900/year). With the "we help each other" model, many of the events and services are free because they are donated by members.

The age of Village participants ranges from sixty to mid-eighties, with most in their mid-seventies. Some people join because of an immediate need. Younger members may have a "pay it forward" attitude. Others are involved because of the community and social contact. And some Villages do run out of energy and close.

Want to find a Village? Create a Village? There is a national Village-to-Village Network. It offers guidance for neighbors hoping to start their own grassroots group. You can find a map and the Village Toolkit at their website. Wonder what it's like to be a member of a Village? Check out the Village Member Stories of the Seacoast Village in New Hampshire.

Want to age in place and be engaged with community?
Let us help you explore local alternatives. Call 203-826-9206.

Planning a trip?
Your health insurance might not come with you!

International travel. If you need medical care outside the United States—an ER visit, hospitalization, ambulance, medical exam, labs, or a medical evacuation—there are very few circumstances in which original Medicare will help out. You should be prepared to pay 100 percent of any medical fees incurred if you are traveling outside the fifty states, District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, the U.S. Virgin Islands, Guam, American Samoa, and the Northern Mariana Islands.

If you have original Medicare and a supplemental plan (Medigap), your supplement may pay up to 80 percent of foreign travel emergency care during the first sixty days outside the country. Contact your insurer to confirm what they will and won't cover, and if there are deductibles or copayments that apply. Ask if they have a service to help you find local providers. Also ask about nonemergency care such as COVID testing or blood pressure checks. And about the billing procedure: What paperwork do you need for reimbursement later?

Likewise, if you have Medicare Advantage, contact your plan before you go. Some plans have a foreign travel clause with support services such as assistance finding care, vaccination clinics, or a call center for translation. Others follow original Medicare's lead and provide no coverage at all.
Medicare Part D plans do not pay for medicines purchased abroad. Furthermore, you may not be able to find what you need. Stock up before you go.

Travel within the United States. If you have original Medicare, your coverage holds wherever you go in the United States. The same is true for any supplemental insurance. And typically for Part D (prescriptions).

If you have Medicare Advantage, find out if your destination is within the local network. Some plans offer a "travel benefit" that allows for up to six months of out-of-network care. Call your insurer to confirm emergency and nonemergency coverage for domestic travel.

Consider travel health coverage. Special insurance for travel is available to address medical care needs, but read the policy carefully. There are often exceptions, waivers, and disqualifying events. If you are booking a flight or cruise, the carrier may offer this type of insurance. The best deals, however, are direct from insurance companies. But you must buy soon after your first trip payment. Beyond emergency care, you might also consider adding a preexisting condition waiver to cover nonemergency care for chronic conditions.
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Ready to hit the road? Let's talk about wise preparations.
Give us a call at 203-826-9206.

Aging comes to us all. What makes solo aging different is the need to be more proactive about arranging for help. Twenty-two percent of older adults acknowledge they will need to take care of themselves. (Even if you are partnered now or have children, you are wise to consider the possibility of solo aging because, well, things can change … death, divorce, estrangement. In that light, we are all potential solo agers.)
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Successful solo aging requires that you

• are very honest with yourself about changes. Act promptly if you notice something wrong with your health. Denial is not your friend! Especially if you want to age in place. Maintain a strong relationship with your doctor. Actively address safety concerns (e.g., a personal emergency response system, home modifications to prevent falls).
• are prepared for the possibility of dementia. You may not realize or recognize the slow creep of cognitive impairment. And you don't have children to notice or bring up the subject. Make a pact with friends to alert each other about any concerns. Meet periodically with an Aging Life Care™ Manager. They know the signs and can advise you when it's time to get an evaluation.
• actively plan for how to get help. This may mean moving closer to nieces and nephews (be sure they are on board with supporting you). If you intend to hire help, remember that Medicare doesn't pay for it. Unless you have long-term-care insurance or qualify for programs such as Veterans Aid and Attendance, you'll need to pay privately.
• assemble a support network of professionals. Working together, they can ensure you receive the help you need.
  • An Aging Life Care™ Manager is an aging advocate who can help you plan for your future, focusing on your specific preferences and resources. Aging Life Care Managers understand the medical, financial, psychological, and social factors that influence solo aging. As local experts in aging well, they can provide guidance on what to expect, point you to the best providers, and suggest cost-effective options.
  • A wealth manager can help you determine how to achieve the financial reserves you need to afford your preferred aging scenario.
  • An estate planning attorney is essential for drawing up the documents all older adults should have in place: A will or living trust for disbursing your assets, and documents that name your health care and financial decision makers should you become unable to make decisions yourself.

Ready to get proactive? We are experts in solo aging.
Give us a call at 203-826-9206.

Once you get beyond the sentimental value of your belongings, you are still up against the logistics of how to get things out of your nest. Some stuff is easier to pass along to family than other stuff. Options for what's left over: Sell, donate, or just "get rid of it!"

Start with family. You may have strong emotions about certain items. It may be disappointing, however, to find that your kids don't feel such attachment to family heirlooms. Generally speaking, the younger generation is not interested in furniture (even antiques), books, china, silverware, crystal, Persian rugs, or embroidered linens. If there's a special story attached, that may be a hook. For family photographs, ditch the physical albums by digitizing photos and creating online albums.

Selling it yourself. Give yourself plenty of time so you're not hurriedly making deals at prices you later regret. A yard sale? That's a lot of work, and you might not sell everything. That said, it can be a fun way to meet the neighbors or say good-bye if you are relocating. Alternatively, put ads on craigslist.org, nextdoor.com, or Facebook Marketplace. Items move more quickly if you provide photos and detailed descriptions. Be prepared for phone calls, appointments, and no-shows. If you have specialty items, consider giving them an even wider buyer audience by enrolling to sell on eBay.com. But you need to be prepared to ship your items. (At the least, eBay is a way to get a sense of the going price.)

Having others sell it. Professional sellers will take a commission of 30% or more, and they may need to reduce prices if your goods aren't moving. You might opt for an estate sale at your home (items from other households may be included). Auction houses take only specialized items. Consignment shops accept what they think will sell, but they'll showcase only for a limited time, and then you have to take items back. Liquidators take everything, including the junk. Depending on the value of the good things, you may need to pay them. (For going prices, check out prices4antiques.com for antiques; biblio.com or bookgilt.com for books; replacements.com for specific patterns of china, crystal, and silverware.)

Donating. For big batches, nonprofits such as Goodwill and the Salvation Army will come and pick up. But they might not take everything. (They know what sells and what doesn't.) Contact local shelters as they often have need of most any household item you want to give away. Ask for receipts so you can take the donation amount off your taxes. You can also post on buynothingproject.org to give away items that would otherwise go to the landfill.

Get help. If this all seems daunting—it is! Consider the assistance of a senior move manager, especially if time is limited. We can help with that.

Are you "right-sizing"? Want experienced assistance?
Give us a call at 203-826-9206.

Change is the only constant. And as we enter our later years, it seems the changes are more frequent. Before writing Life Is in the Transitions, Bruce Feiler interviewed 225 individuals to gain a sense of the ways people navigate disruption across the lifespan. He found that we experience roughly thirty-six transitions in a lifetime, averaging one every twelve to eighteen months. Often several pile up at once, especially when we are older. Common transitions for older adults include a shift in health or ability, a marital change (death or divorce), a new housing situation, or a drop in expected income.

There are general phases to transitions. One phase is the "long goodbye," our reconciling with the fact that one aspect of our life is irrevocably coming to a close. Another is the "messy middle"­—figuring out how to find balance in the chaos of change. And the third is the "new beginning," embracing a new way of living. 

Here are seven strategies Feiler suggests using during a transition:

• Accept it. Grieving your loss is key for acceptance. Identify the emotions that arise in you as you let go of your old way(s). In Feiler's study, fear, sadness, and shame were the emotions most commonly cited.
• Mark it. Whether burning a photo, burying a stone, or hanging a prism to represent your next chapter, ritual helps bring closure and open the door to something new.
• Shed it. This is one of the tougher activities. Identify what it is that needs to end: Habits, identity, dreams. Not that you won't have new dreams or identity. But people describe a kind of molting before finding their new selves.
• Create it. Take up a creative pursuit—ukulele, poetry, juggling, dance. By introducing joy and creativity in the midst of chaos, it appears we cultivate the insight and innovative thinking needed to envision a revised sense of self.
• Share it. Make it real. Talk with others and be open to their wisdom.
• Launch it. People in the study frequently remarked upon their "first normal moment." The first day without worrying. The first hearty laugh. Unexpectedly, the shadow of the past was superseded by a glimmer of what their new life might be. Nurture that ember when you feel it. Start with small goals or projects that enable you to build momentum in this new direction.
• Tell it. After you've regained your footing and are past the raw parts, reflect back. "I was X, then Y happened and I became Z." Piecing together the meaning of the journey helps stitch your life back together, integrating purpose into your transition.

Are you in a transition of aging? See one on the horizon?
Let us help guide you through. Give us a call at 203-826-9206.